Monday, March 30, 2009

chuck norris jokes

read some chuck norris jokes on afrah's blog not long ago and went searching for a few myself. its wicked funny hahah!


  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

  • Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

  • A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

  • There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

  • There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

missing school. the essay awards

had some time this afternoon to go through my good ol english files which i used back in NCHS last year. Really miss those times.

1D is without question my favourite class. it's pregnant with so many weird and interesting personalities, albeit they were the most political and liberal out of the 3 classes i took, I was lucky to be in the position to experience the class as a whole and not go too deep into little nittygritty stuff.


Still remember the essay awards guys? i definitely enjoyed that morning! I had just finished marking the first composition I made you guys do the first week i came to your lives. Fresh from the outside world, my last experience with academic work was from polytechnic, where assignments came in NUMBER of pages, instead of number of words, and 15000 word works were not uncommon.

hence, when i told you guys i wanted a 1000 word essay and you guys all in wonderful unison protested with oooos and aaahhhhs, i was kinda thinking in my mind "hey why these guys so slack ah?" hhaahahaha. I AM SO SORRY. i didnt know the norm for you was 350 =p.






The best opening, by jun chao. the one with ABS.











Clarine's essay. HAHAHA














ahhhh goh wei qi's unbelievable essay. I remember marking this at 4plus in the morning and dead tired as i was, her essay was like a splash of icewater down one's pants. basically the entire essay was about how the essay was nothing but a big zero and so many many random things that she wrote that made it NOT RUBBISH, but charmingly humorous lol. i think she's quite possibly the coolest girl in class.

she can draw wicked pictures, she watches malcolm in the middle. (omg!) and just a few days ago she figured out that my msn nick was taken from the lyrics of Nirvana's Smells like Teen Spirit! what the hell! thumbs up to you la brudder.


The biggest superhero reunion ever.













ahhhh jerilene goh. shes this demure-looking school councillor with the most memorable high-pitched snigger ever. by reading this essay you can tell that she's got one heck of an imagination. her attention to anatomical detail excellent lol! i actually drew a few cartoons inspired by her which i'm supposed to post soon =p



As i mentioned, i was marking this whole batch of compositions during ungodly hours and thanks to bernice I rmb shifting uneasily in my sofabed and even thought of saying bloodymary thrice to myself just for kicks lol!










can't make it

Sorry kind gentle people of 2D i can't make it to sports day tmr as i'm still having problem walking >< . would've been great sitting around you guys cheering and just laughing our heads off.


i reaaaaaallly wanna be there tho =|

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

communication



For 27 years I've been trying to believe and confide in
Different people I've found.
Some of them got closer then others
Some wouldn't even bother and then you came around
I didn't really know what to call you, you didn't know me at all
But I was happy to explain.
I never really knew how to move you
So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins
And I saw you
But that's not an invitation
That's all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I've seen you, I know you
But I don't know
How to connect, so I disconnect

You always seem to know where to find me and I'm still here behind you
In the corner of your eye.
I'll never really learn how to love you
But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky.

Where I see you
And that's not an invitation
That's all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I've seen you, I know you
But I don't know
How to connect, so I disconnect

Well this is an invitation
It's not a threat
If you want communication
That's what you get
I'm talking and talking
But I don't know
How to connect
And I hold a record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation
I need you, you want me
But I don't know
How to connect, so I disconnect
I disconnect.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

bleed, human

monday 16th was set to end like any other weekday - i had just finished classes and boss decided to talk about some issues till quite late... around 10pm. "Ride safely" Boon said, his usual way of wishing me a good journey home. Well looking back it could've been the last words i'd hear on earth.

i was hit by a car about 15minutes later.

i was cycling quite fast at around 40km/h as i reallyy hated cycling late at night at old tampines road cos its really ulu and dead even after 7pm. plus, i was looking forward to enjoying the fresh milk and fruits i had bought for myself earlier in the day. It was green light for me, turn left on red for him. He did not see me coming, and when i realised what he was doing, it was already too late.

I can still rmb that singular moment when my mind was going "what the FUCK", seeing the reflection of the streetlights on the shiny hood of the car, so very close to me and the blinding flash of it's headlights just before metal met flesh.

i remember a force that threw me off balance, and the next moment i was pressing myself up against the road, conscious, and all i could smell and see was blood blood blood blood. my mind was thinking ...


"can this be happening? get up! can this be happening? get off the road! can this be happening? ride safely."


i didnt even notice that not far behind bus 27 screeched to a halt, sparing me a happytreefriends ending to my life. One of the first things i thought of was checking if i could still see. and thank God i can. I then asked the driver, who by then had stopped the car and came to my rescue, how my injuries looked like. It was pretty comical actually, how pale he looked and how all he managed to say was, "ah ah i dunno i dunno i cant tell!" . fine i was like screw it and took a look at his car's side mirror. it was truly a sight to behold. there was a balooku the size of a tennis ball above my left eye, a zipper shaped wound that ran across my forehead and another zipper wound across the area beneath my nose. and my hair was shampooed with blood, i was spitting out blood tats flowing into my mouth from my face and i didnt even notice the other wounds on my legs and arms.

"are my specs okay?", i asked a malay motorcyclist who had stopped to help.

"no brudder, its gone lahhh." he came back a few seconds later from the crash site, handing to me what looked like a twisted black stick. i actually rmb laughing a few times while spitting out blood, about how unbelievable the whole situation was. and how it didnt really hurt. considering how much blood there was. it was like squeezing a wet towel straight from the basin. it just came down in torrents. until today when i asked the driver, he concurred taht it was the freaking blood that caused him to go loco. LOL.

the ambulance soon arrived and on my way to CGH, smsed a few precious people. it's kinda cool actually. like how many times u can sms "eh i got hit by a car". HAHA. the next few hours were spent at A&E, queueing, getting stitched up, getting alchohol thrown over my wounds and me asking the nurse what the motherloving hell did i do to her. Oh and local anesthesia is wicked shit. they inject the stuff and u really dont feel a thing! (i know thats a no brainer but STILL). oh and the resident doc Peter Looi was pretty cool we joked about so many things while i was on the op table getting sewned up by him.

seriously you cannot imagine how low i felt when everyone from the guy in the ambulance, to the chief nurse at A&$, to the doctor at the xray, to the doc at the op table said either "Oh my god" or "oh dearrr" or "TSKTSKTSK" whenver they examined my wouunds. hahaha. i rmb asking every person who examined me whether it was anything permanent and whether i would be given LA. i was like "please give me L.A! pleeassee"

once patched up, i was semi-conscious, driven back to telok kurau, had some frog porridge pretty much slept and slept and slept, waking up to eat meds, then sleep sleep sleep.

well, look back i am really thankful that God kept me thru this episode, knowing full well what i could bear and what i could not. I suffered a 3cm wound above my left eye, a 2cm wound beneath my nose, a 5x2cm patch of flesh and skin gone from my right kneecap, and multiple cuts all over.

i am thankful the cglass from my specs did not cut my eye, even tho it was smashed to pieces upon impact. that i somehow decided to take more work home to do, and the big full bag cushioned my spine from any injury. that the freaking bus 27 stopped in time. that the driver was kind enuff to help. that healthcare in SG is pretty good. that i have friends who stood by in times of need. that i dont blame God for this at all.



i have a few pictures taken in hospital with my hp but too bad the transfer cable is not working lol. Now i sit at home waiting for things to get better. now the pain raelly hits me, and every 5 mins or so i'd feel something warm trickle down my head or leg and next thing i know i stained the sheets with blood or plasma again. tsk.

those of you who wished me well. thank you :D

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

i make maids.

yoohoo spent the night yesterday at my prospective new home at telok kurau! went to the starbucks at jalan jamal where mr quek and i had coffee not long ago and boy the crowd there is atas. lol.

jianming
oh yea as i was cycling towards the place lo and behold out of nowhere i heard this squeaky voice calling out to me from behind and it was jianming in his mum's car! hohoho. EH FRIEND next time dont call me MR LIN in public lah. u can just call me what i am.

mr hamsumtalentedsophisticatedfitasafiddlewhoseabslooklike6potatoes.

I'm really looking forward to hosting bbqs or gatherings once i officially move in. which might be hmmm somewhere near endyear maybe.

afrah the translator
anyway the agenda of the day was to teach the new maid how to cook. can u imagine. thats like teaching professor how to erm.. profess? hahahaha. yea so i got there, decided to call afrah to be the translator on loudspeaker for me for awhile. TURNS OUT. she spent a good few seconds laughing and thinking lol! you even said the word shit. hahaha. but anyway THANKS LA its super nice of you and even ur dad to help!

cooking
ya so taught her how to steam some chicken, dice onions, chop garlic, somee basic rules bout washing her hands before handling food and dishes, keepign fingernails short, hair tied up when cooking, checking the stove and oven for gas leaks, how to cook rice blahblahblah.

no maid for me thankyou
i think i cannot ever have a maid. one thing is, i can never ever set out to talk down to someone. i mean i can understand that one cannot be too nice or friendly with a maid lest she slacks off or worst still climbs over your head but still.... its not right to set out to treat someone so differently. oh well haha.


anyway, after dinner i was sitting down to mark some papers when she came over with an indonesian-english dictionary and asked me to teach her how to speak english. the funniest thing happened when she asked me what was the meaning of broke. so clever me searched up the dictionary and i found the indonesian word tak beruang beside the word "broke".

i then proceeded to illustrate the meaning by pointing to a vase and saying tak beruang. next thing i know she burst out in laughter and i was like "???" and i took up a small vase beside me and pretended to throw it on the floor and said tak beruang again. she was like HAHAHHA.

barely able to contain her teeth, the maid pointed her finger at me and at the same time pulled out the whites of her pocket..

i had been saying I AM BROKE. NO MONEY all that time. alsdasldm.vmx,.msd.fmd.fmadght219349017u5414. stupid dictionary hahaa! called joyce to tell her bout it and had a good laugh -)) i tell her all the silly things that happen in my life tehe.

hope your papers went well la woman! get some rest!

tht was wednesday.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

affecting lives



ever wondered if your existence is felt by the people around you?


what if you could, for a moment, do something to touch the lives of dozens maybe even hundreds of souls,


something you can be oh so very sure will cause them to dismiss the myriad thoughts of the human psyche and for


one. special. moment.


your very being will be the singular focus of all their attention. Have you found that one thing to do?





i know i have.

worlds fastest clapper





this guy will make the bestestest sch discipline master.

talk back to teacher?
still leaving your shirt tucked out?
late for school?
Still think your skirt is long enough?



piakpiakpiakpiakpiakpiakpiak.


public caning out. public slapping in.